Olly Graham

Olly has worked at Crouch Vale for 123,989,425,128,536,775,987,236,119 years (and 43 days). Raised by poets in a septic tank, more in hope than expectation, he has used his background as a primary school teacher well, having the tidiest desk in the office and being good at rounders. 

Olly has long suffered from a little-known disease called cannotpickthingsupitis, and is therefore generally excused from duties involving any physical effort, much to the delight of his work colleagues as they carry the third tonne of malted barley upstairs while he gorges himself on pro-biotic yoghurt. He really is a regular guy.

Despite everything, Olly remains a valued co-worker to the extent that he can answer telephones. Just.

Colin Bocking (Essex's oldest brewer)

Despite having the appearance of a gymnastics teacher (in particular the haircut), Colin, or 'Squire Bocking' as he is known on his rambling north Essex country estate, is a man of considerable means. When not overseeing his minions at the brewery, the guvnor wanders around the borders of his 4,000 acre small-holding, taking pot-shots at startled ramblers with a gold-encrusted, walnut-butted Jeeves & Twitchet 12-bore, one of the few remaining examples of the fabled 'Monday-Club Special Edition' gun, first presented to his great-great-grandfather in 1866 and passed down the family line ever since. 

The snap of Mr. Bocking (right) is particularly rare in that it is one of the few pictures available that does not feature him in his typical attire of tweed jacket (sturdy leather elbow patches), plus-fours and deer-stalker hat. It was taken during his tour of Europe with seminal death-metal band 'Open Sore', a brief and foolhardy venture which he abandoned after being threatened with disinheritance by his appalled family. A hasty return to the family seat ensued, and the young Colin was then groomed quickly and sensibly, in order that he could assume his lofty position at the very top of East Anglia's pile of gentry. 

Tony Blackburn

After a varied career at Radio One and a brief sojourn in a fake jungle with various other B-list "celebs" and a neurotic heiress, Tony has finally settled into some proper work here at CVB. He has also moved to East Hanningfield, put on a stone or two and shaved all his hair off, as well as becoming about 20 years younger.

Richard Venour

'Rich' has come on in leaps , bounds and athletic pirouettes during his time here, and when he is not dancing daintily around the brewery and warehouse brewing beer or tidying up, he is to be found in the tea-room consulting his favourite book - 'Torville & Dean - A Life On Ice'. 

(Lucky) Lol Rice

Lucky Lol is not an obscure dish from your local Cantonese takeaway (presumably where you eat a portion of it and then start laughing uncontrollably), but is the latest addition the Crouch Vale Squad. His impossibly vertical hair does not impede his super-fast progress around the highways and byways of East Anglia, as he delivers beer in an impeccable fashion, sometimes even to the right accounts...(LOL).

Lee Cousins

Spiky rag-head hunk Lee likes nothing more than to feel the throb of a huge Japanese machine between his legs, and when he's not wowing the ladies with his boyish good looks and G.S.O.H., he drives lorries for Crouch Vale Brewery, almost always without damaging anything.

Andy Steel

Mr. Steel has recently returned from his gap year in the Far East and having successfully mauled the citizens of the Dengie peninsula for some months on his return via his bodypart-piercing business, has come back to the warm bosom of his brewery family. One of his arms has now completely vanished under a liberal swash of tattooist's ink. A consummate all-rounder, 'Shteel' can most often be found with Mr. Venour in the brewhouse.

James Partridge

James has blossomed in his time here at Crouch Vale, and as a graduate of the Tap & Spile school of pub management, James has used his background in vinyl retailing to good effect. Free of the shackles of regional brewerism after a three-year stint with Bertie Bateman, he has brought a new meaning to the term 'flexi-time' and his natural lack of dress sense makes him an ideal office colleague. Shows promise, but will never live down the "up-front retro discount" mis-selling scandal of his earlier days.

Charles Ashley Saville

He just couldn't live without us...or with us, as it happens. But anyway, he's back on a consultancy basis to subsidise his Champi training. I'm afraid you'll just have to look it up. 

Sadly Charlie now can't find anything because it's all been tidied up/thrown away.

Mrs Bocking

Part doughty school-ma'm, part mischievous will 'o' the wisp, Mrs. B patrols the draughty corridors and ancient panelled meeting rooms of CVB almost like a ghost in search of a long-lost appendage. In a world where nothing makes sense, Mrs. Bocking is a voice of reason; if the foul stench of bad humour permeates the building, she is the air freshener that spruces up and cleans all of our aspects. Mrs B has only one, central tenet by which to live her life, one message to spread and it is thus - "I just want everything to be nice". Amen to that.